Bloodyjazz 血腥爵士

(I believe that this' not the first time talking/thinking/writing/singing/enjoying about "suffering.")

the "real real real" reason why I cry or why I'm sad and depressed...

melancholy... feel suffered...

it's neither because I want/desire/lack in something nor because I miss something I have before.

In fact, I suffered... because I see those injustice, serious problems or

ridiculous phenomena beside me, in my culture, in the society, in my country

or even in the common world we live in.

I suffered...

because I could feel and see but people don't.

And they take everthing for granted.

I wish that is not because I'm too sensitive,

but this does make me a critical, cynical, ironic and sarcastic person.

it keeps me awake and aware.

People used to say that I'm passionate, but actually I'm not.

All my "passion" or energy to create, to help, to learn and know more,

to participate in social movements, to express my political opinions, to

do something for or serve people, to try to affect the world...

in some ways...

all of them, the power,

come from my suffering and thorough pessimism,

not optimism definetly.

and I suffered

cuz I know I'm not perfect.

it's never enough.

in reality,

there's no one who has ever acheived the perfect,

so I suffered.